-
Any stone in a hiking boot migrates to the point of
maximum pressure.
-
The distance to a given camp site remains constant
as twilight approaches.
-
The number of mosquitoes at any given location is
inversely proportional to the amount of repellent that remains.
-
The probability of diarrhea increases with the
square of the thistle content of the local vegetation.
-
The area of level ground in the neighborhood tends
to vanish as the need to make camp becomes finite.
-
In a mummy bag the urgency of ones need to urinate
is inversely proportional to the amount of clothing worn. It is also
inversely proportional to the temperature and the degree to which the
mummy bag is completely zipped up.
-
Waterproof clothing isn't. (However, it is 100%
effective at containing sweat).
-
The width of backpack straps decreases with the
distance hiked. To compensate, the weight of the backpack increases.
-
Average temperature increases with the amount of
clothing brought.
-
Tent stakes come only in the quantity
"N-1" where N is the number of stakes necessary to stake
down a tent.
-
Propane/butane tanks that are full when they are
packed, will unexplainably empty themselves before you can reach the
campsite.
-
Given a chance, matches will find a way to get wet.
-
Your side of the tent is the side that leaks.
-
All foods assume a uniform taste, texture, and color
when freeze-dried.
-
Divide the number of servings by two when reading
the directions for reconstituting anything freeze-dried.
-
When reading the instructions of a pump-activated
water filter, "hour" should be substituted for
"minute" when reading the average quarts filtered per
minute.
-
The weight in a backpack can never remain uniformly
distributed.
-
All tree branches in a forest grow outward from
their respective trunks at exactly the height of your nose. If you are
male, tree branches will also grow at groin height.
-
You will lose the little toothpick in your Swiss
Army knife as soon as you open the box.
-
Rain.
-
Enough dirt will get tracked into the tent on the
first day out, that you can grow the food you need for the rest of the
trip in rows between sleeping bags.
-
When camping in late fall or winter, your underwear
will stay at approximately 35.702 degrees Kelvin no matter how long
you keep it in your sleeping bag with you.
-
Bears.
-
The sun sets three-and-a-half times faster than
normal when you're trying to set up camp.
-
Tents never come apart as easily when you're leaving
a site as when you're trying to get them set up in the first place.
-
When planning to take time off of work/school for
your camping trip, always add an extra week, because when you get home
from your "vacation" you'll be too tired to go back for a
week after.
